16/07/12
PANDA'S TAIL
OPENING CREDITS & TITLE
MUSIC
FADE IN:
FADE IN:
SLOWLY ZOOMING TOWARDS BEDROOM
WINDOW
EXT. HAMISH’S HOUSE – MID
MORNING
As
morning breaks in the quiet countryside, the sound of birds singing is carried
along by a soft breeze, dancing with branches and carrying on across the
fields. It is still and quiet, as another peaceful day in Kirkham begins.
ZOOM IN THROUGH BEDROOM WINDOW.
MEDIUM CLOSE UP - HAMISH
INT. HAMISH’S BEDROOM
Hamish,
a rather lonely Panda is hiding in his bed, using the covers to shield him, the
rest of the world just sees him as a lump of untidy fabric.
Suddenly
his alarm clicks on; once again he has awoken before he was meant to. “Alone
Again Naturally” by Gilbert O’Sullivan begins to play on the radio as he slowly
positions his paw above the off button. It clicks as he pushes down to reveal
the silence he is so familiar with.
HAMISH
(Rolling over)
Sigh...
The
covers rise and fall with his first deep breath of the day. He has faced
himself with the other side of the bed, empty, lonely and cold as though the night’s
frost had crept in beside him. One long blink of the eyes and he sits up, looks
around his room for any sign of another soul, he lets out a yawn and once again
braves the opening of the eyes.
CUT TO: FULL SHOT OF THE
BEDROOM
He
gingerly makes a move to get out of bed; the ceiling feels heavy as it lowers
into the room, the tops of the walls caving in with it as his world seems to
get ever smaller.
CAMERA PANS ACROSS AS HAMISH WALKS
BY
Heading
for the kitchen, he can’t even begin to plan his day without the energy only
received from a cup of coffee.
CUT TO: CLOSE UP ON THE KETTLE
A
tray hugging a small kettle, two cups and a dish of sugar seems strangely
empty, the kettle always holding enough water for two.
Hamish
flicks the switch and watches it boil, the water thrashes as though infested
with great whites, and the sound of rumbling is like a small earthquake as the
kettle vibrates on the worktop.
CAMERA ZOOMS OUT TO A MEDIUM
SHOT
He
makes his coffee, glances at the empty cup and fills the kettle once more...just
in case.
Carrying
his beverage over to his table where last night’s meal still remains. Feeling
too lethargic to create anything new he grabs a stick of bamboo and tries to
eat. Even the sight of his favourite meal can’t tempt him today; he chases it
around his plate until he’s gulped the last drop of coffee, gives up and tries
a shower. (Hamish walks off screen).
CUT TO: BATHROOM
EXT. SHOWER CUBICLE
One
turn of the handle and the water comes rushing out, sounding like a child
splashing in puddles as it hits the floor. No sooner has it begun, it ends, he
switches it off clearly not in the right frame of mind to wash off all the many
thoughts he has swimming around him.
CUT TO: BEDROOM
FULL SHOT OF THE WARDROBE
He
thrusts the wardrobe door open to reveal yet more emptiness and reaches for the
neatly placed slippers on his shelf (the only shelf being used). Dropping them
to the ground like a bomb, they thud twice as they hit the ground. Hamish
pushes each foot into its designated slipper.
CUT TO: MEDIUM SHOT OF THE
LETTERBOX
The
rustle and crunch of a daily newspaper can be heard as the local delivery boy
spreads the news of the world. The bathroom door creaks open as Hamish emerges
from his steamy cave; he stomps towards the door carrying a thump thump thump
as he goes.
PAN AND FOLLOW HAMISH
He
grabs the newspaper from its landing place. Wedged inside the letterbox it
takes one huge effort to full it free. He stomps away once again and heads to
the lounge to sit in his favourite chair.
CUT TO: FULL SHOT OF LIVING
ROOM
POV OF WINDOW
Angling
himself perfectly in front of his chair he drops onto it as though it was
softer than it really is. He shuffles slightly, finds a comfortable position,
grabs the newspaper and whips it open to the first page. Almost straight away
the horn of a distant train can be heard, slightly dulled by the walls of his
house.
CUT TO: FULL SHOT OF HAMISH
& WINDOW
POV FROM DINING ROOM
POV FROM DINING ROOM
Hamish
winces, and drops his paper back on the table; he leans forward and watches the
inevitable train come roaring past him. The vibrations of the train are like a
larger earthquake shaking his house down, his pictures fall, furniture bangs
together and he just keeps looking forwards, moving from side to side and awaiting
the end of the ordeal.
HAMISH
(Looking down)
Sigh...
FULL SHOT OF WINDOW FROM
HAMISH’S SHOULDER POV
Gazing outside at the wonders of the world, should he leave his cave and experience the environment outside? One slight consideration and he slowly gets to his feet.
Gazing outside at the wonders of the world, should he leave his cave and experience the environment outside? One slight consideration and he slowly gets to his feet.
CLOSE UP OF HAMISH
A
flash of lightening slaps the atmosphere as a rumble of thunder seems the only
thing trying to get close to him. Looking down with disappointment he slopes away
as the rain begins.
CLOSE UP OF DINING TABLE
INT. DINING ROOM
MEDIUM CLOSE UP OF HAMISH
He
throws himself into the dining room chair where a previous game of chess
remains. Suddenly his stomach lets out a loud rumble like a volcano has erupted
inside of him. With his head propped up on his right paw, he turns to face his
phone.
CLOSE UP OF PHONE
“NO
MESSAGES” and wonders how much longer this will continue.
MEDIUM CLOSE UP OF HAMISH
Grabbing
the phone he dials the local takeaway and asks for...
HAMISH
(Sighing)
The usual please
He
puts the phone down and lets his head flop down. He notices his game of chess
from the day before. He uses his left hand to move the black pieces and his
right hand to move the white, the only way to do it without knocking all of the
pieces over is to continuously move the board every turn.
CUT TO: FRONT DOOR
KNOCK
KNOCK KNOCK!
The
sound carries all the way down the hall and into the living room. Someone is at
the front door, a companion, a friend, some company!
CUT BACK TO: HAMISH
He
looks straight towards the door and almost skips towards it with excitement. He
wrenches the door open to be faced with empty space.
CUT TO: FRONT OF HAMISH
His
face drops as though every piece of happiness he had remaining had just fallen
to the ground and he looks down at the bamboo box waiting on his doorstep.
HAMISH
(Shrugging his shoulders)
Sigh...
He
bends down and picks up his meal, keeping his head down and very slightly
hunched he heads back inside.
CUT TO: LOUNGE
FULL SHOT
He sits on the floor in front of the television, he switches it on and begins munching on his fresh sticks of bamboo. “Just the Two of Us” is playing. One was quite enough, the need to ‘comfort eat’ had left him long ago, one glance at the clock “7:30”...
FULL SHOT
He sits on the floor in front of the television, he switches it on and begins munching on his fresh sticks of bamboo. “Just the Two of Us” is playing. One was quite enough, the need to ‘comfort eat’ had left him long ago, one glance at the clock “7:30”...
HAMISH
(Sad sort of smile)
That’s
enough for one day
He
gets up, walks over to the dining room table and empties the contents of his
tea onto the plate ready for breakfast for next morning. He places his empty box
in the bin and goes to bed.
CAMERA FADES OUT
PAUSE
FADE IN:
FULL SHOT OF HAMISH’S BED
INT. HAMISH’S BEDROOM – MID
MORNING
Hamish
is once again awake before his alarm, he is lying in bed staring at it and
waiting for it to go off. Click, music starts playing and straight away he
turns it off. He yawns, sits up and goes to make a cup of coffee.
CUT TO: KITCHEN
Once
again the kettle is surrounded by too many cups, he watches the water trash
around, settle and he pours the boiling water into his mug, fills up the kettle
and drinks his brew. He manages to force down another bamboo breakfast and he
heads for the shower.
CUT TO: CLOSE UP ON WARDROBE
He
grabs his slippers, drops them on the floor and slides his feet in one by one,
this whole operation has been performed many times before.
CLOSE UP ON FRONT DOOR
The
daily newspaper eases through the letterbox just like every other day. Hamish
stomps towards the door and grabs it.
MEDIUM SHOT OF CHAIR
He
sits in his usual place, grabs the newspaper and thrusts it open. He starts flicking
through when suddenly...
CLOSE UP OF PAPER
...an advertisement for an online dating company
catches his eye. It’s calling out for single Panda’s to go online and apparently
find their soul mate!
CUT BACK TO: HAMISH
He
gets up onto his feet, drops the paper, walks over to his computer and begins
typing the address for the company.
CLOSE UP OF COMPUTER SCREEN
He
searches for pandas in his area and a specific one catches his eye. Charlie,
this one lives nearby and is looking for a companion. The profile reads...
“My name is Charlie and I’m a Sagittarius, I
am looking for someone aged between 18 and 22 (Hamish makes a noise in agreement), medium build...
CUT TO: HAMISH ON THE SCALES
(Hamish weighs himself and moans with sadness)
(Hamish weighs himself and moans with sadness)
CUT BACK TO: SCREEN
...I love eating in so he needs to be good in
the kitchen, I like gardening, I dislike mess, non smoker, and preferably good
at DIY, maybe have a pet and have some hobbies. Send me your videos below”.
FULL SHOT OF HAMISH – PAN TO
FOLLOW
With
that he jumps to his feet, he goes to his wardrobe, grabs a brush and makes a
start grooming his fur. Satisfied with that he reaches for a clip on bowtie and
places it neatly underneath his chin, not noticing that it isn’t on straight he
goes back to the computer, turns on his webcam and gets ready to record.
POV OF WEBCAM
Hamish
starts adjusting the webcam, brightness, contrast and position until he is
happy with it, clicks record and suddenly gets overcome with nerves. He runs to
the toilet and returns after the flush.
Clearing
his throat he starts again, clicks record and states...
HAMISH
(Chewing bamboo)
My
name is Hamish, I’m 21, well built, none smoker, my star sign is Gemini I
think, I am a vegetarian, I like to cook and eat in as well as out. I enjoy
chess, gardening and DIY. I like art and I have a pet fish. Err...I don’t like
trains and... I hope to hear from you soon
SCREEN GOES DARK THEN MEDIUM
CLOSEUP OF HAMISH
He
turns the camera off, sends it in and gets to work correcting his lies. He
sticks the radio on to get himself motivated and it plays “The Things We Do for
Love by 10CC.
First of all he gets his “How To” books down from the shelf and lines four of them up in order on the dining room table. Just at that point the shelf creaks and breaks so he has to use one of the books to prop it back up.
First of all he gets his “How To” books down from the shelf and lines four of them up in order on the dining room table. Just at that point the shelf creaks and breaks so he has to use one of the books to prop it back up.
CLOSE UP OF THE FIRST FOUR BOOKS
“Cooking
for Pandas”, “Gardening for Pandas”, “Pets for Pandas” and “Art for Pandas”.
CUT BACK TO: HAMISH – FULL SHOT
He
walks towards the door and shuts it behind him leaving the audience in his
house.
CUT TO: CLOCK
The big hand moves forward an hour.
The big hand moves forward an hour.
CUT BACK TO: HAMISH – FULL SHOT
He
returns very quickly clutching a paper bag full of ingredients.
MEDIUM CLOSE UP OF HAMISH
The
screen splits into four to show Hamish trying out different hobbies.
1. He tries to cut up bamboo but he can’t hold the knife.
2. He finds a space near the front of his house puts a plant pot down and begins to water it.
3. He reaches inside his shopping bag again and pulls out a goldfish in a coke bottle. He sets it down on its side and smiles at his new pet.
4. He lifts a book out of the shopping bag, he also reveals some cut outs and some glue.
1. He tries to cut up bamboo but he can’t hold the knife.
2. He finds a space near the front of his house puts a plant pot down and begins to water it.
3. He reaches inside his shopping bag again and pulls out a goldfish in a coke bottle. He sets it down on its side and smiles at his new pet.
4. He lifts a book out of the shopping bag, he also reveals some cut outs and some glue.
1. He can’t get any butter out of the tub. He grabs all of the ingredients and puts them in the bin
2.
Taking a rake from the side of the house, Hamish walks to the front of his
garden and begins to rake up some leaves, his arms are too short so he is
stooped over like a old man with a sore back. Straight away the familiar sound
of the train is on the horizon; Hamish straightens up, looks round just as the
train whizzes past and scatters all the leaves.
3.
He picks a flower off his plant and puts it in the vase, he also jabs a stick
of bamboo in there to keep it company.
4.
He tries to stick the pictures to a page in the book but they keep sticking to
him instead.
HAMISH
(Exhausted)
Err
sigh...
FULL SHOT
He
walks towards his computer and checks for a reply. Noticing he hasn’t had any,
he turns on his heels and goes to bed disheartened.
CAMERA FADES OUT
PAUSE
FADE IN:
FULL SHOT OF HAMISH’S BED
INT. HAMISH’S BEDROOM – MID
MORNING
Today
was different than all of the other days, Hamish was up before his alarm, he
had switched it off and was already out of bed. He skipped his morning ritual
and headed straight for the computer.
CLOSE UP OF COMPUTER
A
flashing envelope icon was blinking in the corner.
“Hi Hamish, I would like to meet you today,
by the tracks at 11. I will wear a red carnation”.
CLOSE UP OF HAMISH
Looking
at the time “10:52”, he rushed over to his wardrobe to get his bowtie, clipped
it on and headed for the door.
FULL SHOT FROM THE GATE
EXT. GARDEN
He
walked down his path, towards the tracks and hid behind the main operating
building.
POV HAMISH
He
looked down the tracks and jumped very slightly with excited as he could just
make out a panda in the distance. As the panda got closer it became apparent
that the female panda he so longed for was in fact male. This can’t be
happening, he stomped back inside before he was seen and slammed his door shut.
The number 2 swung back and forth squeaking like a terrified mouse before
falling to the ground with a clatter.
CLOSING CREDITS & MUSIC
(“Alone
Again Naturally”)
Hamish
gets into bed and pulls his covers over his head.
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